Supervivencia

Es en un mundo con competencia y con miedo de supervivencia que uno se apura, estresa, y tiene miedo por no obtener lo que busca. En un mundo en el que uno se acepta, sin miedo de consecuencias, uno simplemente es.

Guardo

Por eso guardo.

Para recordar. Dolores y placeres y pensamientos
Que aún guardan valor para el futuro.
Que aún guardan potencial de placer y dolor y recuerdos
Para luego poder
Entenderlos mejor.

Motivation

The motivation behind my desires to create, to build, to learn these technical things, to revamp my technological abilities, is...

to prove that I am still smart. That I have not lost that which I once thought was such a treasured part of me. That I am still special and that can do wonderful/special things in the technological field.

I desire no such retrogressive motivation. Begone, itchy impulses. I am what I am.

Confianza

La confianza es la marca

de un acto de amor exitoso.

Guide

I let the soul guide my body

for it knows its path.

Here

The World is Here

Both far and near

yet crystal clear

the World is Here.

Fear

Do naught from fear.

Do despite fear.

Be not from fear.

Be alongside fear.

Finances

The topic of specific finances

prefers to be avoided during

personal conversations

because they can easily incite

ideas of petty manipulation

or provoke feelings of

interpersonal superiority/inferiority

in our fluid, yet untrained

emotional and mental bodies.

Dirección

"Señor, ayúdame a crecer en la dirección de mi alma".

...

"Uno crece hacia donde dirige su atención".

Causes

For the triple man to coordinate his bodies with their originating causes, he needs:

His mind to be impulsed by Knowledge. To think when one Knows.

His emotions to be impulsed by Love. To emote when one Loves.

His dense body to be impulsed by Sacrifice. To act when one Serves.

Fettered

Fettered love decays.

Anger

 Anger settles into certainty of purpose and strength, when accepted and understood.

Joy 2

 Joy flows easeful, spontaneous. It does not require happiness.

together

Neither I pursued her,

nor she seduced me.

We just allowed ourselves to see deeper

to follow the resonant essence within

and slid into each other's eyes.

Inside and Outside

There is Inside, and there is Outside.

The Outside does not satisfy.

power plays

so often the power plays

the invisible aggressions that occur between people

demeaningly, often unconsciously,

but with true unconscious intent, that of a parasite sucking each other's blood, life energy

their types are many.

one of them: poking/probing the other's emotions, feelings, with a surprise, meant to startle the other with a realization that one knows more about the other than the other knew one knew, or assumes/infers something about the other that one knows the other will find startling/disturbing. An "invasion" of knowledge or opinion, so to speak, with the intent of joke or surprise. But actually with an unconscious intent of imposing one's own "superiority", with that knowledge of the other one has attained, or distorted, without the other's consent. Such imposition can leech the other's stability and confidence, which the attacker unconsciously sucks in for him/her-self.

mujer

las curvas suaves y sinuosas de la mujer nos han acompañado desde ya milenios. Es una expresión antiquísima del femenino antiguo y primordial que reside dentro de la raza humana, y dentro de cada uno de nosotros.

la sensualidad humana, esculpida con mecánica, textura, y geometría.

message

Each of our words, each intonation thereof, is a message from the self we embody towards the world. May we send out our messages with conscious attention, and with refined grace.

sarcasm

Sarcasm is inherently biased. It relies on the assumption of some concept, and expresses a sharp contradiction towards this concept, whose intent is to be seen as absurd, thereby emphasizing the truth of the assumption. As it provides no additional information, it relies on assumptions and on the dynamics of social swaying in order to persuade or to gather attention.

oneself

 Ah. THAT is what Life is. Oneself!

Certainty

Certainty is extremity of probability.

Byproduct

Let actions bloom forth
As a byproduct of the stillness.

Misinterpretación

Los hombres ven en las mujeres

Suavidad, y la confunden con debilidad.

Delicadeza, y la confunden con fragilidad.

Las mujeres ven en los hombres

Poder, y lo confunden con agresión.

Silencio, y lo confunden con rechazo.

Cualidades

Estamos buscando cualidades
Afuera de nosotros
Pero en realidad
Están adentro de nosotros.

Illusory Superlatives

A core appeal of superlatives

Is their tantalizing promise of finality

As a guarantee of certainty and determinism.

All of them illusions.

Discredited

Tis unfortunate that the truth is sometimes discredited
Because it is let out
Only gushing and thrashing through the force of anger
Because it was not being allowed out any other way.

Escuchar

El Escuchar es la semilla inicial
Del enlace y la conexión
Con los cuales el Amor busca unir
Las conciencias separadas.

Belief of Incompleteness

the desires that pull me

travel through the channels created by

my belief that I lack something to be

complete.

Amor

No es el superfluo y efímero fatuo

Ni el apego sentimental

El amor nos transfluye y nos nutre

Como cristalino manantial.

Cognateness

Cognateness is omnipresent.

Resolución

Una resolución resuelve. Reúne las polaridades del soluto y del solvente, transforma las partes en homogénea disolución.

El ansia y lo ansiado,

La necesidad y lo necesario,

Se satisfacen, y callan.

Catalyst

Beauty is a catalyst

To produce the energy of care.

It emerges naturally

From cleanliness of being.

Forced

Forced correctness eventually bounces back

Or breaks.

True alignment blooms only from self.

Problem

Any problem is the juxtaposition of multiple concepts, apparently incompatible with one another.

If one succumbs to this appearance, the fallacy of dichotomy, or polychotomy, is assumed, and conflict ensues.

When the realization that "and", instead of "against", is the true conjunction between the various,

The many are resolved into the one.

mutual care

Mutual care

Is hindered by mistrust,
By fear of exploitation or hook,
Is hindered by parsimony,
By fear of regret

anxiety

Anxiety and confusion about what to do

Can so often override
The allous intricacy of what is happening.

Repulsion

The muscle hold that prevents my belly from bloating outwards

And the discomfort which detracts my attention from the truth of other people

Are sustained by the same energy

Repulsion of what is.

Floater

External validation is that one buoy/floater that most of us humans still hold onto/are unwilling to release.

As long as we hold onto it, we are unable to sink in and explore the depths.

closure

if the sphere finds no conscious closure

one can only create distance from it

via unconscious repulsion

Thresholds

Thresholds evoke poignancy.

Intellect

 Intellect always chooses the extreme path.

Holding

May the holding of the external

Be only in service to

The remembrance of the internal

Sensuality

Sensuality need not have the intent of titillation.

The primal nature of our beings contains the raw, the intimate, and the tender and the wild

The supple, exquisite feminine

The imposing, penetrating masculine

Without need of connotation

of good or bad.

https://youtu.be/jKpPhbtcjr4

https://youtu.be/QY2KoTjfLbk

Riverbed

who we are

is not who we were

the person changes each moment

like the riverbed

changes its waters

now

and now

and now

Control

 (Self-)Control requires attention. It requires knowing exactly WHAT I will to do, continuously, at each moment.

Fluids

The fluids that clothe us

Are naught but our husk.

Gratitude 2

The essence of gratitude is not debt nor servility

But attention, appreciation, and acknowledgement of what is.

Love 2

Love is the seeing of self in the other

true and surrendered knowing

Mutual acknowledgment

That allows merging of the parts

Into the whole.

Love

The nature of love is to bloom.

Love is effectively a solvent, which upon contact with barriers, fears, and pains, via attention, feeling, true understanding of causes, and acknowledgement of their truth and validity, responds with a sincere "I know", "It's ok", and shares in the feeling of discomfort while holding the positive knowing, the trust, simply of the worth of What Is. Thus any barrier can be recognized, felt, and melted away, and love can then flow freer.

Authority

An authority is that which authors,

determines,

decides

a choice.

Meaning

We infuse matter with meaning.
Utilities are but tools for the infusion.

Some people search for meaning
In the objects they stumble upon
In the people they encounter

Yet let us remember
That meaning comes not from matter
It comes from Life.
From Our Self.

Whichever meaning we believe we are given by an object
Is perhaps recalled by that object
But it already resided
Within.

Weakness

And why do we hide fears?

Because they indicate weakness,

and may provide evidence for an other

to prey on us.

Boredom

Boredom is fear that the present

Is unworthy.

Stitute

• Superstitute: To place atop, to cover.
• Substitute: To place below, to substand.
• Restitute: To place again.
• Institute: To place within, to establish.
• Prostitute: To place before the public, to sell.
• Destitute: To un-place, to abandon.
• Constitute: To place together, towards a whole.

It

It creates Itself.

We do.

Contribution

For some,

There is a tacit value and habitual pride

In being the first to present new or relevant information

To an ongoing discussion

Of a new idea, fact, puzzle piece

Of a novel contribution.

And a tacit devalue and habitual shame

In having one's original contribution

Rendered obsolete or invalid

By another contribution

Contrary to or superseding

One's own.

Admit

The reluctance to admit the divine
and its relevance in our life
Keeps inspiration away from
The musical instrument we wield.

The fear to introduce it
Into our peer interactions
Keeps us from playing in the orchestra
We silently long for.

Toil

Thus we altogether toil
To link together the jigsaw puzzle
To weave the threads of consciousness
To carve the channels of light
Between us and through us
To reveal the essence of this

In the quest to unfold the truth
Of the Allness that we are.

How

The knowledge of the how

Need not attenuate

The wonder of the Is

Poles

The positive posits

Negative does not

Train

We train to face the light

From which we spend much time

Postponing and evading

Inaccurate

Untrue superlatives

Unwarranted hyperboles

Inaccurate language

Weakens, dulls words

Like misuse of tools

Erodes and damages them.

Soup

Though the recognition of each of us as separate entities in the world is indispensable to growth and to relationship,

This separateness does not negate the One Soup of particles and flow whereof we are but subsets, wherein we are submerged, wherethrough we share, -hale, live, move, Are.

Energy vortices that gather form as vestment and tool to express the purpose and essence we are.

Possessiveness

Possessiveness dams the rivers

That seek to flow in abundance.

Should 2

The illusion of should is thick and pervasive.

Yet untrue.

river now

In the depths of the consciousness

works and turns and shapes and projects the machinery

of energy upon energy through energy

that sprouts this river now.

Water Wheels

The cyclic flowing dramedy.

Hurt and wearied children raising

helpless tender children.

Water wheels upon water wheels within water wheels.

Not one of us controls the flow

yet only we create, guide, and change it.

practice

Life is practice for Life.

Conscious

Conscious choice is uncompelled.

Unexpectancy

Let us be notifiers, messengers, and listeners

instead of money collectors.

Half-moon

Half-moon

Mid-sky

Amidst clear morning blue

Fresh, crisp airs rinse my nostrils

Moon floats fast,

blazes oblivious

past nothing.

Blame Mirrors

Blame flung back and forth and around

acts as light in a hall of distorted mirrors.

No surface allows the light to co-rrectly see it,

instead covering, distorting, exaggerating, diminishing, or diverting

the light that touches it,

which prevents truth from being seen

as it is.

Both without and within

the skin.

Reluctance

Coerced persuasion and enticing lures

are perceived and abhorred

by an able mind.

Unnegation

No thing is complete, therefore true,

without its complement, the rest of the universe,

both of which have birthed, and continue to birth,

each other.

Rush

Rush is not speed of action.

It is the pull forward of urgent anxiety

which slips consciousness off its traction

onto distraction

and submerges the chooser

in unconscious currents, vortices, and maelstroms

that cause him to flail in desperation

with unintended reactions.

offense

No force in the universe

can offend [s]he

who knows h(im/er)self.

Likewise, each offense

provides a chance

to know oneself further.

moment

A myriad tiny steps of change

each unstoppable moment

persisted by continuous inertia

guided by refining choice

Barriers

We ourselves have wrought

the invisible barriers around us

out of mistrust, neglect, and competition

that stifle the cries between us

of our longing for connection and meaning.

Superstitution

Thank yous and sorrys

Spit out in rushed reaction

Carry little to none

Of their original meaning.

Superstituted husks.

Fulcrum

Every minute impulse of the will

synchronised with the change of matter

a living miracle,

each exquisitely truthful perception

a sublime delight.

Thus we observe and pivot

from the fulcrum of consciousness.

Cohered

Dust cohered together

That we ride.

Trip

Action motivated by its effect can trip itself.

Self-chastisement

If the energy of blame is allowed

to chastise itself,

it merely gives fuel to the very flame

that it meant to suppress.

Merely see it,

feel it seen.

Victimhood

When victim seeks and achieves retribution,

if the hurts and misdeeds are repudiated, are not accepted nor understood,

he relishes in victory and seizes power,

and takes on the role of victimizer

upon the unchanged polarized dynamic.

Fusion

Skepticism prevents unity

between the observer and the observed.

Credulity smooshes one onto the other

before discernment understands

and conscious choice shapes a proper relation

in the oneness of the whole.

Should

There is no should. Only eternal is.

Present

The desire to present oneself as good

need not spill into the desire

to present oneself as better.

Speed

slow action is suggested

to those who seek to know themselves

not because speed is evil or undesirable

but because the impetuous mind

forgoes attention when it acts fast

Help

Help connects.

Unfinality

No achievement ensures eternal bliss.
No failure condemns forever.

each other

A human's richest resource:

each other.

Track and measure

 

Though it is individual achievement which often drives our efforts,

in topics of consciousness, it is mostly misguided to track and measure

success or failure through visible or outward manifestations.

Threat

When my love is received as a threat, I feel hurt.

When I learn to suppress my love after many misperceptions,

I gather resentment towards those who reject my love.

lion

I am the caged lion

Angry and frustrated

Pacing round and round

In the cage I built myself.

paralyze

Fear of regret

Paralyzes

composed

my composed skin mask

bottles a tantrum child

Strangers' eyes

Strangers' eyes

They find each others like magnets

Once they touch

They slide off one another

Like spheres unable to sit

Stably one atop another

demand

World, I've done the stupid things you asked of me,

Now give me my fucking satisfaction.

Detached

The objects of both

hatred and admiration

are detached from comprehension.

Between

When neither side satisfies,

Seek between

or beyond.

When haste or rigidity do not listen,

Seek what they hide.

Hope

life is

a crawling calvary when hope wanes

a shining adventure when hope rises.

We would do well then, to pour effort

into cultivating hope.

humility and strength

humility

is the complete acceptance of what one is, thereby lacking any need to be regarded in any particular manner.

strength

is the capacity of a being to mould and conserve itself and his environment according to its own will.

Correct

Correctness is rectitude relative to a reference.

Garden

I am in my garden

amidst my pleasures and pains

atop my sensations

neglecting my spots of fear

sniffing breezy thoughts.

Bias

bias, or lack thereof,

is relative

Shape

All has the shape of Flow.

Truth

truth

reverberates truth

Regularity

Regularity builds substance.

shameless

I think the repulsion to the common connotation of the word shameless

is not towards the absence of shame

but towards a knowing, willing incorrectness.

Disdain

One cannot understand

what one disdains

nor what one fears

success

images of success
include
he who controls
via money, influence, attraction, or force.
he who satisfies his desires,
who achieves, completes, reaches.
he who enjoys
the juice of the moment, pure.

all these assume success
exists

unwillingness

I feel the unwillingness to let go of
the image I imagine others have of me
as someone who
does not make mistakes.

flashes

Like the brief flashes of blue
I sometimes catch with my fleeting eye

from my sunlit crystal prism

feel those clear flashes of insight

that I sheerly know are true.

devotion

The target of devotion

can himself become devoted

to his devotee's devotion,

and be unwilling to let go.

He may then veil his true image

from the devotee

to preserve the allure

to prevent him from

consuming his satisfaction

and falling out of devotion

of that sweet, dear devotion.

Thus attached to devotion

he creates a feedback cycle

that locks the flow of satisfaction

and holds it fast

until one side ventures

to peer deeper.

categories

We traverse the categories

child, adult

teacher, student

man, woman

friend, enemy

server, serviced

victor, victim
hurter, hurt

seeker, target
healthy, ill
aged, young

wise, foolish

able, unable

strong, frail

potent, weak

joyful, miserable

selfish, generous

lauded, outcast

arrogant, humble
social, lonely

hopeful, discouraged

devious, forthright

proud, ashamed

wealthy, poor

comfortable, desperate

active, passive

causer, effected

violent, peaceful

success, failure

fear, courage
pleasure, pain

through life
in order to be them all
as the one witness

in one continuous fabric

woven together by time and memory.

thus can we experience firsthand

how it all is the one

same

sheet

Superlatives

False superlatives weaken words.

interpretation

Interpretation

Can only be self-derived.

flowering buds

We are flowering buds

If only for a lifetime

We are flowering buds

decay

Decay manifests when we reap the fruits and flowers, and neglect the roots and stems.

Satisfactions

Anger is satisfied by destruction.

Envy is expressed via rejection, satisfied by destruction.

Pride is not satisfied. It is mollified by the assertion of the token of pride.

Resentment is not satisfied. It is mollified by the assertion of its misery.

Requesting

The option of requesting a thing - material, action, or engagement - is often hindered, dampened by the failure of rejection. Also by the fear of exuding an appearance of insufficiency/lack of independence/unworthiness. An exactly these fears are the wardens that keep the common citizen in the habitual prisons of loneliness. When the value of appearance is made to supersede the value of truth.

thorough

Thorough mental integration

requires that no information or signal

remain unprocessed or uncovered.

Thorough emotional integration

dismisses no emotion

that asks to be felt.

validity

Consider the validity of
those wordless, subtle, ineffable signals
within.

Believe

I understand most people understand that "to believe" means

that one is certain that something is true,

even if one has not observed it directly.

A Faith that something is true,

a Must that something is true,

despite any evidence or arguments to the contrary,

often in conflict with arguments to the contrary.

I define it in a different way.

Be-Lieve, or Be-Live. To Live Beside,

To Live By.

Something to live by. Something that accompanies one in life.

Not a logical restriction that negates the complement.

Not a rejection of all claims to something else.

Not a dictum that pre-filters the paths I may choose.

But rather a companion in life.

An idea I trust to be helpful,

a principle that I trust guides my Life.

A reminder of the purpose I have chosen,

for the times I get lost in the daily maze,

for when pain and fear leave me grasping in the dark.

Not a banner I wave around me

to give me and display my colors

and tell me with whom to stand,

or how to live and to be.

But words written by my own hand,

with crisp ink on a treasured sheet of paper

I keep close to my heart.

Good

I align the idea of good
as conscious choice

towards balance and growth.

other

other (v): To other. To define something as separate and different from oneself, particularly by attributing the difference to a certain factor.

Loyalty

loyalty, what is it motivated by?

• regularity
• fulfilled expectation
• reliability
• no need to learn something new
• consolidated, known behaviour
• no risk
• further building upon what is assured and known
• preference of the known to the unknown.

Learning requires energy, effort.

A lethargic being prefers to postpone effort.

mirror

May we all look inside
know our desires and fears,

our pains and joys,

then turn our light outward

and see in all others those same.

Water

A spinning wheel made of water

spinning threads of water

into tapestries of water

Flowherds

We are flowherds.

Herders of the flow.

pride 2

pride hinders flow

as its nature is to retain

its object in place

reliable, a steady reference

underestimated

Just noticed

Feeling underestimated

Incenses frustration in me

Can spark anger

Clear Silence

Each sound is heard clearly

When cradled by silence

Competition 2

The near objective of a competition is, naturally, to win.

The deeper value of a competition, however, lies in the kindling of the participants' interest, in the summoning and rallying of their strengths and abilities in order to strive, innovate, and persevere, and in the promotion of activity, growth, and learning in an otherwise lulled, inactive environment.

Question 2

A potent value of questions:

They bring one to think.

Blame

Blame is projected unconformity.

Recognition

For the makers of beautiful things would not create them as they do if they did not recognize that quality of beauty within themselves.

Materialism

The whole of materialism does not necessitate consciousness. Yet conscious we are. Materialism is hence incomplete.

Camino

No es tanto el camino que tomamos,

o lo que en él encontramos.

Es la pureza con que caminamos.

unacknowledged

Unacknowledged fear remains.

distill

I experience the concrete and distill it into the abstract.

peak and trough

Be it peak or trough, either brings onto the other. Whether on the lake's surface, upon the guitar string, or on the waters of our own emotions, vibration permeates them all.

greed

When a system is in peace and in balance, whose members understand this balance, he who pulls the strings knowingly, solely for individual benefit, expresses greed.

fractal cycle

homogeneity

clumping

structuring

replication

homogeneity

servants

We are servants of Life

In Its quest to explore

What it can be

What It Is

Music

Music is such a graceful, powerful, and versatile clothing for emotions.

worth

The more we seek worth from the outside

The less we allow the inherent worth from the inside

geometry

Geometry is inherent to space.

be

Tis the time to be.

Leadership

Leadership is the compilation, organization, and unification of the intents and alignments of the individuals in a group into a coherent, aligned whole.

Why 2

"Why" reaches into the roots of a form, seeking to unite it with what is known.

masa

 Yo soy la masa que se está convirtiendo en pan.

Complete

 Leave no choice undone.

correctness

In myself, I find that what I once saw in myself as a desire, a draw towards correctness, was actually a fear of feeling wrong.

light

 Light is Consciousness.

dilapidated heart

My gift

From my child

transition

From "what do I want from it"

To "what it is"

show

What does the world have to show me today?

Self-ascertainment

I sometimes find myself ascertaining that what I am doing makes sense/is justifiable/can be clearly conveyed in the future.

urges

 Some Urges I feel in myself:

• An urge to be recognized as the person who came up with a worthy idea, a concept, or an initiative first, or by myself, with little aid from others.
• An urge to not be recognized as wrong or incorrect, even by myself.

Dance

Dance practices smooth, continuous communication between soul, mind, and body.

penetrate

Penetrate reality

With itself

drops

light like water

waves in streams

sparse water coheres into drops

sparse light coheres into photons

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SDtAh9IwG-I

Unfold

Watch

The World

Unfold

muss

Nichts muss man.

fucking

There is so much love

In fucking.

welcome

You are welcome

In my sphere of care.

fear of power

Today I controlled another person's choice completely. Realizing I had complete authority over a person other than myself caused fear in me, and sobs of raw emotion while feeling disbelief that I was capable, worthy, of directing another person totally. 

ip

Google channels desire for knowledge.

Amazon channels desire for matters.

Facebook channels desire for human connection.

As swift flow of IP packages.

life

Life is exploration of Self.

color tree

Google Keep drawings

Stored for a long time.

Nov 3, 2017

Dec 23, 2017

Then'ish

spirit

Chakra venting

The unexpressed flaming desires of the solar plexus can be vented in the loving space of the heart. To allow that, the heart space expands, and the flame can dissipate into the love space. It need not always be expressed via the throat.

new

The world is new.

suddenly

 Then suddenly I noticed, that the part of my mind that was afraid was no longer ringing - it was singing.

- Sometime in 2018 or 2019

stovetop

When the light shines

and we see the forgotten and the unclean

that remains

we have an opportunity to clean

on a stovetop

or inside of us

modesty

Modesty roots in

Fear of envy,

Judgment,

Comparison,

Lack of praise

Praise

textures

Smoothness & roughness combine into textures

fragility

The fragility

I do not reject

Offers me tenderness

Sensitivity

Pleasure

jealousy

Jealousy says

I'm afraid that if you love him/her/it, you will stop loving me.

be as...

 Silken iron infused with honey.

Fun

 Fun is an activation and challenge of our capacities while we feel safe.

abstinence

Abstinence without ground of feeling is a self pushback without knowing. Its efforts are swept away into the winds of oblivion, and they do not connect back to the core of our being.

maximize

A pitfall of living via maximization strategies is that the maximum point is often an infinitesimal set in the landscape of possibilities. The intenser we seek a maximum, the tauter, limitider, fewer our paths become. And together with this sharpness of achievement, comes intrinsic a bondage to a "must" in the field of what is.

From heaven

Sunlight after rain is from heaven.

freedom

 Remember your freedom.

ondulate

ondulate between

diligence

and

surrender

tongue

We are a tongue

The world is food

experience

The experience of the mind is the understanding

The experience of the emotions is the feeling

The experience of the body is the sensing

mission

You find it in your path.

converging

Converging the senses

cultivate

cultivate passion

Stewards

Stewards of consciousness.

Many parts.
To help flow.

why

the value of "why"
more than finding a cause
helps us pay attention

share

I see beauty and wish to share it with others.

melt upon the turning wheel

Melt upon the turning wheel

Melt into its pores
And feel yourself both sides at once
And no longer crave
One side above the other

tears

all tears we hide
remain in a reservoir
and bloat it to any pressure
there they remain
stuck
as long as they are not seen

erupt

three or four orgasms yesterday
brought the skin on my hands to erupt
and feel like tiny mountains
itchy texture, rashy

pistachio

it's like time that we let our own layers shed away. like grime off as rain comes. like old leaves off with wind. I continue to react, to adapt, to survive. Even with conversation, with favors, with manners. They remain a clamped-down clam much of the time. A stubborn pistachio shell split on one side, and at times a bit more open than at others, but it remains shut, unwilling to split the fuck open and speak and live through raw desire. barely no ever yes perhaps why not

Hoard

A tragedy in economy happens when those who are given energy in the form of money because they are valued, trusted to do well with this energy, find naught more to do with it than to hoard it.

Written: 25-01 05:03

Rationality

Pure rationality excludes creativity.

kitchen

It's like we came into the kitchen and we forgot what we came here to do.

nuggets

nuggets
that make me feel alive
that awaken a spark of joy
of flow inside
those are what keep me
moving

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VsN7E35LpJE

care

maybe
when we forget to care for our selves
and other selves that help us
re member to care
appear
pull care from us
like magnet
remind us of our heart and care
that we can give it from us
that we can give it to us
too

broken toy

huh, when the confession comes
exactly... it is a *confession*.

"There's this thing I've been hiding
and when I tell you maybe you'll think that
I'm a broken toy and
you won't like me anymore and maybe you'll leave
and I don't want you to go, so I'm scared"

assumptions and assumptions
a deep groove of reactive behavior
notice
and feel

poles

men often invade
women often evade
may awareness soften, dissolve both

Continuous

Creatures of continuous experience.

hurt

In some memory

It is hurt

Given

My inside knows I am unwanted. It is a given.

Straight

Face it straight on.

Joy

What is joy made of?

Sculpt

We are the sculptor and the sculpture.

Itself

A fluid playing with itself.

Invasion

Afraid that my every touch is interpreted as an invasion.

Direction

The direction of fulfillment

New guy

Hey new guy,

I didn't know you were in me as well. Well, you've been there for some time now. What's recent is that I see you and recognize you.

You're the fear that others don't really want to be with you. Every moment with someone, every look, every offer, every joke, every silence... you're looking out for hints that the other one doesn't want to be there anymore, that they're bored, that they caught scent of your body and want to get away from it, that they want to get out of there, and don't know how, can't bring themselves to say it. That I'm, naive and unaware, holding them an awkward prisoner of social protocol.

You've been with me for a while, I just hadn't stated you as you are. Recognized you.
Hello.

And I see how at times the coin is flipped. At times I don't want to spend anymore time with someone, and it is difficult for me to state it, to express that another's company has grown sour or boring on me.
Maybe if I know how to say that clearly in those moments, you, Mr. Fear, can realize this feeling, this desire to pull away, is not something to be ashamed or, to hide, or to avoid. Maybe then you can find another hobby, and I can relax and engage with what's actually happening in the engagement between them and moi.

Dunkelwerden

Dunkelwerden schnell

Passion

Follow your passion, I know.
What is it?

Torture

It is known by the seers of the void that they will stop at nothing to move together through the fight. Though the chances spit on their hope, they do not hinder the being of Truth. Appeasing mind with a word stream does nothing for the trapped emotions, which sizzle invisibly and pull the strings within, starkening the yearning void inside. Fix me or kill me, he feels. The middle ground is torture.

Smother

Who can smother
better
than a mother
?

Overlap

Avoidance overlaps with fear, but does not require it.

Politeness

Avoidance of others' displeasure.

Vaciarse

Es díficil vaciarse de sí mismo.

Steward

Women steward sex.
Men steward... power? Willpower? Direction?

Turns

There are no turns in dance. It's real-time.

Craving

Craving engenders itself.
Obtained, another one takes its place.
Fulfilled, it is replaced by fear of losing it.

Blade

Not a blade of grass grows or waves for me. Purpose is a concept immaterial.

Question

A request for information

Alternatives

There are no alternatives.

One

There is no alternative.

World

Structure Flow
Gradient

None

Musts are untrue
No hardness is absolute
What may seem unavoidable
Are only grooves, trenches
Where gravity seduces our flow to caress

Yet choice can climb any slope
Guide any flow
With focus, a wide flow condenses
Into any direction and form

No canyon is unscalable
All space can be traversed
Such is this weave of nothing
That we play

Musts

Musts may feel comfortable to some.
They demarcate clear paths,
Defer authority to another
Automate choice and will

The pangs of failure are dulled by the sheltered victim
The pleasures along the way, often known and enjoyed
Musts bound the experience space
Oh, can these borders congeal

Feels simple to stay by the swimming pool edges
The rest may feel wild and unknown
Yet the self yearns an ergodic journey
Not until one lets go
Can one experience the ocean

foreign care

I want you to see me
and
I want you to not know that I care that you see me

eyes close

Chain

Being comes into awareness
Awareness sprouts attention
Attention weaves attraction
Attraction fuels desire
Desire becomes want
Want is spoken as need
Need engenders should
Should congeals into must
Must constrain our paths
Constraints chain us
To what is not

Remember

Remember
My center

how to be

how to be?

...
soft and certain
...

Learned

Listen
Unhide
Straighten your velcro hooks, pull them towards you. It prevents lint from getting stuck on them.
Bring in your energy strands, cover yourself with them with a smooth surface like glass. It prevents your energy from getting stuck on others' hooks.

oh look

oh look
an expectation

star and moon

star and moon
we help each other
through ages, we forgot that here we are
on a plane
and we can reach out and help. feels good

‡

‡

Infinity

A dancer in infinity makes no difference. Dance makes walls and floors to flow and fly freely within.

Sadness

The sadness is absent
the helplessness remains
anger, rage remain

Void

Be
Truth in the Void

Not helpless

Not helpless to my triggers

offer

Do we seek to be offered truth
any truth
all truth

yearns

yearns:
- pride wants to show off. to prove to them, to show them I'm right.
- wants to be admired. to be seen, to be the center of attention, the source of awe.
- wants to defend myself vigorously against injustice. With strength and with right. It feels it deserves redemption.
- wants to feel care, attention from others.
- wants a female partner in play. A mutual attention, mutual care.

Her

I miss her
I don't know who she is

sunny

sunny sadness
survives
softly, silently
suffocates
simplicity
sees such sorrow
subtly shrouded
savage soul
unwanted

if

oh what if we dropped these masks
what if we let
what if we felt
what truly there is
here is
HERE is
and let the rain
wash the rest away
the dust we still care for
the layers we thought ours
we thought us
but are as transient
as this thought

Sweet

Such a sweet tear
shed by my Heart
The sweetest, softest message
of surrendered Love

A child made honey
as fresh, as pure
as small, as light
such is my Heart's tear

True

Feel the question true
Answer true

Forever

I am in forever

Dotted

Spring comes dotted of yellow, pink, red, white, fed by streaks of green.

En canta

Me encanta
Cantar

Direct

Direct breath groundwards,
Energy moves through the dense.
Direct breath skywards,
Energy moves through the light.

Washes

Breath wide open
Washes inside

wakes

Deep indigo
Sky wakes

Frühling

Song of blooms

Our path

Our Path
Balance between
momentum and center

Curiosity

Curiosity fuels us.
What IS in this world?

Exquisite

Exquisite machines of choice
Are we

Deep reservoirs and riverbeds of energy

through which we project and dance

the shapes we will

Share

We share a world of colors

Faint

The faint light indigo of the morning sky.
It moves me
It bathes me
Inside

foam bubble

foam bubble
yearning for the sea
light new child
desire

Meet

We meet. Energy, excitement upon meeting.
We diverge. Longing, energy dispersal upon divergence.

hi

hi me

Follow

Follow the Energy

Riverbed

Realize our riverbed
Embody our River

Pump

Breath pumps Life

ride

rise, wave.
ride it

Branches

Branches dance in place
become more of themselves

Expand

May our intention expand to fill our space.

Other things do, otherwise, like distractions.

Breath pulses thus.

Breath

It is part of our dance.

Multi

Fluctuate across dimensions. Intensity, span, speed. Energy, space, time. Each with its amplitude, frequency, flair.

Fullness

Seeking fullness in a field of maybes can be tiring.

Naked

Naked trees, sleeping trees, quiver softly under a grey blue sky. Ten thousand wooden fingers, painting in empty space. Ten thousand strands of lightning, from root to cold twig.

preservation

preservation of a form
is sometimes stretched
past its graceful end date

the form is sand
essence continues

sought

I seek being sought
yes

Unrequition

Explicit unrequition can feel heavy on the soul,
yet it flows, unlike unexpressed intention.

Grateful

I feel grateful to the sun and the Earth. They give their energy to me.
I feel grateful to my teachers, from whom I've learned the art of discernment. The joy of perception.
I feel grateful to my body, my being. Through it I feel my world, my experience, my center.

Am

I am what is happening

Delights

Wave of being
Delights in
exploring new pathways
above below and beyond
finds secret tunnels within its form
In fluid allowance, it feels joy by the friction
Of the self with itself
Of erosion of walls, edges, thorns
Of the smoothing of the self
Cleansing of our arena
From unkempt brush to dance floor
Where we surf, flow, squeeze, fly

Being love and joy
Feeling ourselves full
Free

proof

science seeks proof
proof is justified trust

Hidra

Un triángulo naranja
Una ola de agua
Una columna de aire respirante
Una llama
Un vórtice de vacío
Un cuarzo irregular
Un rayo de luz

Emptying

Upon emptying, feed on wholesome newness, made holy by an intention aware and true.
Otherwise, it feeds unawarely with the shape of our recent patterns, left as echo from our hollow shape.

Energy surfers

Energy surfers
May we find stillness in the surfing
May we surf in balance with us

flor

La danza es la flor de la vida

Align

In the nick of time
This path proceeds to align
As it does
Every
Now
And
Now

The flavor of care

Light comes to where there is care. The flavor of care changes with its color.

balloon

inhale inflates the balloon. bonds tense and are highlighted, sensation rises within we become aware of what they are. where they are. they poke and pull.
exhale brings deflation. relaxes bonds, soothes tense skin. reminds us we are still here

Anchors

We choose the anchors from which bonds pull us.

Recipient

Come, recipient. I yearn for you.

infinite

Infinite microscope into the soul
ab

Slip

Slip of clear cyan between floating blankets of water.

Darkness

We can honor darkness as well as light.
Avoiding it starves it, tenses it.

Chestnuts

Chestnuts in Bern

Rage

A formless blob of rage, held in check by a proficient controller, keenly aware of societal boundaries. Pulled back again and again from its dream explosion, it lies waiting in its bloated chamber, brimming to the top, sphincters tight shut so often they are dry, rigid, unsure if they remember how to release. They only acquiesce to trickling sadness, enough to relieve pressure. Just enough. Inside the chamber, the old liquid continues to stagnate and rot.

Silent

Silent words block my throat.
Materialized in obscurity, they are deferred the responsibility of expression
From the body
To these
words

Hide

I tire of it because I hide it.

Absence

I seek
Absence of fallbacks

Tired

Tired of these roles.
Tired of her defensiveness
Evasions
Coyness
Expectation of action
Retreat
Fear of advances
Fear of ulteriors
Tired of my hunting
Seeking
Impressing
Gambling
Offering
Hoping
Expectation of reception
Attacks
Fear of producing fear
Fear of rejection
Fear of opening up and noticing she does not want to
Tired of these
Roles

Together

Moon and lightning

Voluble

Voluble direction

wisp

at times I strive to build like a tree does
at times to float like a wisp

Act

Act truly and gently

Me

The practice of me

Sugar

Sugar sparks appetite.

explodes

the world explodes and flows and continues
at each
Now
this

honor

honor
what we do

embodied

desire for life embodied
we are

notice

notice
unnoticed
links

silver

soft day

puppet

Puppet in a box of sky

Rustle

leaves
rustle
inside

Estilo

"Me gusta mi estilo"

Move

Move in this world with trust.

is'ing

umfassen

umfassen statt ablehnen
into
feel
allow

Active

The active mode changes the State of the world from one to another.
The contemplative mode observes. Feels.

Baum

Baum baut Selbst

interpretation

all the way down

bisagrar

emociones bisagran en acciones ajenas.

match

no expectation matches reality

evolve

only at the precipice do we evolve
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x4x-ghDOpVg&t=3808s

chosen

The chosen is the true

chaos

So I prefer from chaos to order rather than from border to border.
There is only here. There is only now.
From dream

only

The only time you can get something is when you want it.
Dream

Still

I saw a rainbow spectrum on a wall, and I liked it. I wanted to see it, and to find where it was coming from. As I was approaching it, it disappeared, and I was unable to find it anymore.

Then I realized that the colors were still there. Whether I saw them or not, the vibrant colors are still in the light of everything I see. I felt joy within and continued.

Emerge

Life emerges from itself powered by the love to be.

coins

oh how we seek
continuity
grace
elegance
purpose
reason
validation
recognition
success

seeking to flip endless coins and only get heads.

Behind

Behind words

Tier

Mein Tier ist hier.

Slide

Air slide love snow

Straight

Words paint water with straight lines

beautiful

we are beautiful

Breath Halo

Breath haloes are pretty

Stream

the stream

is only the stream

Teal

One quarter blue
Three quarters green
Wing iridescence
Cute, surviving
Symmetric
Like us
Little dinosaurs

Suck

This Flavor

Water

Water brings smooth
Smooth uniforms texture
Through smooth light shows clear
water allows

Neu

Neuzugestiegende

Ereignen

Ich ereigne

Honey Dance

Tis a honey dance
Sweet, sticky, soft
Sticky might get one stuck
some say
Stuck to what?
Only honey around
Dance thought it like love

Int

Interest
Interior
Intention
Integral
Integer

How

oh How Here We Are

Tanz

Schattenlichttanz

Regular

Comfort in regularity.

Nulldeutigkeit

nullfach

Honeycomb

Such Tessellation

Yearn

yearning to fulfill
that without boundaries

Soft

Soft centripetal

Mehrdeutigkeit

Bei Mehrdeutigkeit vertrauen

Gratitude

Gratitude as Flow allowed

cradled

Cradled in stuff

Trennung

Trennung erfordert Energie

Raum

Absichtsmittel

Gebung

Gebung

Glide

Feel glide tensions

:)

Now I'm Here.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Gz2I39U2oDk (~11:08)

Berührung

Jede Bewegung bewegt alles.

Cheeky

The moon glances at me tonight, with a cheeky shine.
"You're still here", she says.
Thank you, moon :)

Swift

Light to space as words to experience.

Dämmerung

Mitternachtsdämmerung

Wind

Wind dances, and all within.

Reflection

Joy in reflection

Smooth

Trust smooths Flow

Practice

Dance practices Flow.

Canvas

Canvas of ether

Wahrnehmung

The taking of Truth

Collapse

Like sometimes, when libido strikes
The world collapses into a line
Between the extremes of getting laid or not

Song

Song finds expression through body.

Rich

Unproject roles, purposes into rich world.

Fallacy

The fallacy is that the song ends, ever

Keep

One keeps what one feels one is not done with.

Clothe

Clouds clothe mountain tops.

Social Friction

At my Adobe internship, my desk is located on the Southeast corner of the third floor, as shown on this floor sketch:

*(which was never drawn)*.

During the day, I take occasional journeys to the...

*(5 years later)*...

snack bar, where I get coffee, water, and snacks. On my way back, I've found two competing alternative paths. One is composed of four straight segments connected by straight angles, simple and shorter. The other one traverses ~ten smaller such segments, and makes its way through a simple maze of cubicles that one feels is not the shorter path 

Yet I tend to prefer the second path. Why? Because the first one, on its last segment, walks right past 10 other interns in the same research area as me, and we tend to exchange awkward and forces smiles that I feel I'm pushing through as I walk there. I feel it takes more energy for me to walk that path than to walk a slightly longer distance and turn on my path left and right in an arbitrary sequence.

This leads me to state that there is such a thing as Social Friction. A force that resists movement along a path by repelling behavior (to the mover/observer) exhibited by societal members placed close to this path.

Ashtanga Yoga Sequence

1. Stand, inhale & rise hands, exhale & hands down to chest.
2. 5 consecutive vinyasa sequences, each ending in standing hands to chest.
3. 5 consecutive vinyasa sequences, each ending in chair pose.
4. vinyasa sequence, ending in left/right leg to the front, warrior 1 pose.
5a. stand feet touching, lower, grab toes. go downwards, bend elbows.
5b. stand feet touching, lower, grab bottom of feet. go downwards, bend elbows.
6a. Triangle. right leg to the side, front foot forwards, back foot mostly forward. Extend arms, lower towards front, reaching out and down.
6b. Turn and repeat with other side.
7a. Twisted triangle. Right leg front, same position. Extend arms, front arm to the back, other arm up, then lower body along with arm, inside/outside legs. Other arm extends up, and twist the body in that direction.
7b. Turn and repeat with other side.
8a. Feet as in warrior 2. Front elbow rests on front knee, back arm extends, makes straight line together with back leg. Option to lower front arm to the ground.
8b. Turn and repeat with other side.
9a. Open legs wide, heels wider than toes. Hands to hips, legs straight, lower to hips. Hands to ground, lower head to ground.
9b. Rise to hips, hands on core, lower head again.
9c. Rise to hips, hands clasped behind back, lower head again.
10a. Reverse namaste (namaste behind the back). Position like twisted triangle, and lower head to knee/floor?.
10b. Turn and repeat with other side.
11a. Parahanmistasana. Stand hip width apart. Hold knee to chest, OR grab toe with same side arm and extend OR bow head to extended leg. Other hand holds the core. Hold.
11b. Rotate raised knee/extended leg to the side. Other hand remains holding the core. Hold.
11c. Leg back to front, release knee/toe. Stand up straight, hands to core, outstretch leg and foot high. Hold.
12. Sit with legs straight, back straight, hands on floor, head down to chest. Hold.
13a. One foot to the other thigh. Grab other foot’s toe with both hands, head down to chest. Hold. Then same, grabbing back of foot instead of toes.
13b. Same, but sitting on ankle instead of foot on thigh. Then a&b other side.
14a. Bend knee, foot on ground, align outer foot with outer hip. Extend same-side arm to left of knee, wrap around and to the back. Other arm stretches back to meet it, and they bind. Back straight, then head down towards the floor.
14b. Repeat with other side.
15a. Bend knee, align outer foot with outer hip. Option 1: Opposite arm wraps in front of knee to the back of the body, other arm is placed to the back of the body, helping to twist rotation towards the back. Body twists. Hold. Option 2: Opposite arm wraps between knee and chest, then to the other side to the back. Other arm stretches to the back on its side to meet it, and bind. Hold.
15b. Repeat with other side.
16. Navasana, boat pose. 3 times. Lay down. Then raise chest straight, raise legs straight, feet outstretched, arms outstretched towards feet. Hold five breaths. In between each pose, place hands to the front, place one shin over another, and lift body.
17a. Fish pose. Legs stretched or in lotus. Lay head back onto floor, back arched upwards, engage core, keep legs down. Hands clasped together under back. Hold.
17b. Stretch legs up and outward, feet outstretched, stretch arms out in the same direction. Hold.
18. Butterfly sit. Sit in butterfly pose, feet touching and closest to body, knees towards ground. Hands on feet, pushing insides of feet downwards so that only outsides of feet are touching. Head also pushes downwards. Hold.
19. Crow.
20. Back bends (3-5). Option 1: Bridge, feet on ground, shoulders and elbows on ground, top of head on ground. Rest of the body is arched upwards. Hands clasped underneath. Hold. Option 2: Full wheel: Instead of shoulders and head on floor, hands on floor, and the rest of the body arches upwards. Hold.
21. Shoulder stand.
22. Plow.
23. Wheel.
24. Headstand.
25. Lay.

Reflect

We reflect, then we observe. 

Streams

Streams of Eternity pour unto Now.

Interlock

Glean

Glean softly

Thresholds

so ("so cute")
too ("too high")
enough ("enough sleep")
need ("need food")

A target threshold - a quantity or state - is required for expressions with either of these words to be well-defined.

Do

Dance Life

Sand

Cosmic sand

Path

Path is determined stream of moments, events, steps, co-occurrent instances of something. And they serve to reach a place, a goal, a state, quickly and reliably. State-arrivers.

Paths are learned during growth, societal adoption. Communication, clothing, skills, usage of body.

Societal paths are sparse. Space of possibility is ample. To savor it, explore.

Awareness

Awareness begets Intention.
Intention is Life.
Experience is Learning.
Intent experience is guided Learning.
Justifications made out of smoke.
Every act is a choice.
Conditioning is congealed choice.
Intercongealed concepts may obstruct Flow.

Dragged

Dragged by own momentum.

Observer's

Beauty is the Observer's.

Objects

Objects not just as roles

She-Ra

GGGGGFFFAGGGGGGFAGGGGGGFFFAGGGGGFDBC

Morality

...too often have I found myself bound by the subtle chains of morality...

Acid

Being with you is like having a microdose of acid all the time.

Count

Does the tree count the hours of sunlight it receives?

WWSS

What Would Stan Say?

Music Malleates

Piano music feels like water, waving, streaming, and soothing. When soft, it touches and envelops the sensations and the soul. When strong, it shows itself as a wave washing it with a smooth force. A staccato feels like little bursts rising from the surface. A legato feels like ripples upon the surface dancing to their own spirit. In general, piano music slides on the skin and leaves fading traces of resonance where it has touched. It caresses and envelops, it rides the listener in waves.

Violin music feels like a wooden dagger. A single note can already stab the emotions deep. It does not harm; it penetrates. It opens new channels among the unexplored, letting air and sunshine breathe into them. It pierces crusts into the sensitive emotions long ignored and/or forgotten, and helps one feel what is there. Like a toothpick piercing play dough, it finds the colors hidden inside and allows them to be felt by the light surface again. It helps us remember we can reshape ourselves, our intentions, by feeling our emotions in different shapes and patterns.

Soothing surface.
Digging deep.

Feel.

Share

Many moments I feel there's no one around to share with, and I feel lonely. I forget how rich my world is. This night, I will share with you: Moon. Air. Trees. Breath.

Viagra

Lsd. Like Viagra, for consciousness.
And like Teflon! Unsticking agent, detaches the cat from being that got stuck onto the windshield.

Discomfort

Lovely discomfort.

Person

I see you as a person, no longer as an object of desire.

Intentfulness

Intentfulness confused with solemnity.