suddenly

 Then suddenly I noticed, that the part of my mind that was afraid was no longer ringing - it was singing.

- Sometime in 2018 or 2019

stovetop

When the light shines

and we see the forgotten and the unclean

that remains

we have an opportunity to clean

on a stovetop

or inside of us

modesty

Modesty roots in

Fear of envy,

Judgment,

Comparison,

Lack of praise

Praise

textures

Smoothness & roughness combine into textures

fragility

The fragility

I do not reject

Offers me tenderness

Sensitivity

Pleasure

jealousy

Jealousy says

I'm afraid that if you love him/her/it, you will stop loving me.

be as...

 Silken iron infused with honey.

Fun

 Fun is an activation and challenge of our capacities while we feel safe.

abstinence

Abstinence without ground of feeling is a self pushback without knowing. Its efforts are swept away into the winds of oblivion, and they do not connect back to the core of our being.

maximize

A pitfall of living via maximization strategies is that the maximum point is often an infinitesimal set in the landscape of possibilities. The intenser we seek a maximum, the tauter, limitider, fewer our paths become. And together with this sharpness of achievement, comes intrinsic a bondage to a "must" in the field of what is.

From heaven

Sunlight after rain is from heaven.

freedom

 Remember your freedom.

ondulate

ondulate between

diligence

and

surrender

tongue

We are a tongue

The world is food

experience

The experience of the mind is the understanding

The experience of the emotions is the feeling

The experience of the body is the sensing

mission

You find it in your path.

converging

Converging the senses

cultivate

cultivate passion

Stewards

Stewards of consciousness.

Many parts.
To help flow.

why

the value of "why"
more than finding a cause
helps us pay attention

share

I see beauty and wish to share it with others.

melt upon the turning wheel

Melt upon the turning wheel

Melt into its pores
And feel yourself both sides at once
And no longer crave
One side above the other

tears

all tears we hide
remain in a reservoir
and bloat it to any pressure
there they remain
stuck
as long as they are not seen

erupt

three or four orgasms yesterday
brought the skin on my hands to erupt
and feel like tiny mountains
itchy texture, rashy

pistachio

it's like time that we let our own layers shed away. like grime off as rain comes. like old leaves off with wind. I continue to react, to adapt, to survive. Even with conversation, with favors, with manners. They remain a clamped-down clam much of the time. A stubborn pistachio shell split on one side, and at times a bit more open than at others, but it remains shut, unwilling to split the fuck open and speak and live through raw desire. barely no ever yes perhaps why not

Hoard

A tragedy in economy happens when those who are given energy in the form of money because they are valued, trusted to do well with this energy, find naught more to do with it than to hoard it.

Written: 25-01 05:03

Rationality

Pure rationality excludes creativity.

kitchen

It's like we came into the kitchen and we forgot what we came here to do.

nuggets

nuggets
that make me feel alive
that awaken a spark of joy
of flow inside
those are what keep me
moving

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VsN7E35LpJE

care

maybe
when we forget to care for our selves
and other selves that help us
re member to care
appear
pull care from us
like magnet
remind us of our heart and care
that we can give it from us
that we can give it to us
too

broken toy

huh, when the confession comes
exactly... it is a *confession*.

"There's this thing I've been hiding
and when I tell you maybe you'll think that
I'm a broken toy and
you won't like me anymore and maybe you'll leave
and I don't want you to go, so I'm scared"

assumptions and assumptions
a deep groove of reactive behavior
notice
and feel

poles

men often invade
women often evade
may awareness soften, dissolve both

Continuous

Creatures of continuous experience.

hurt

In some memory

It is hurt

Given

My inside knows I am unwanted. It is a given.

Straight

Face it straight on.

Joy

What is joy made of?

Sculpt

We are the sculptor and the sculpture.

Itself

A fluid playing with itself.

Invasion

Afraid that my every touch is interpreted as an invasion.

Direction

The direction of fulfillment

New guy

Hey new guy,

I didn't know you were in me as well. Well, you've been there for some time now. What's recent is that I see you and recognize you.

You're the fear that others don't really want to be with you. Every moment with someone, every look, every offer, every joke, every silence... you're looking out for hints that the other one doesn't want to be there anymore, that they're bored, that they caught scent of your body and want to get away from it, that they want to get out of there, and don't know how, can't bring themselves to say it. That I'm, naive and unaware, holding them an awkward prisoner of social protocol.

You've been with me for a while, I just hadn't stated you as you are. Recognized you.
Hello.

And I see how at times the coin is flipped. At times I don't want to spend anymore time with someone, and it is difficult for me to state it, to express that another's company has grown sour or boring on me.
Maybe if I know how to say that clearly in those moments, you, Mr. Fear, can realize this feeling, this desire to pull away, is not something to be ashamed or, to hide, or to avoid. Maybe then you can find another hobby, and I can relax and engage with what's actually happening in the engagement between them and moi.

Dunkelwerden

Dunkelwerden schnell

Passion

Follow your passion, I know.
What is it?

Torture

It is known by the seers of the void that they will stop at nothing to move together through the fight. Though the chances spit on their hope, they do not hinder the being of Truth. Appeasing mind with a word stream does nothing for the trapped emotions, which sizzle invisibly and pull the strings within, starkening the yearning void inside. Fix me or kill me, he feels. The middle ground is torture.

Smother

Who can smother
better
than a mother
?

Overlap

Avoidance overlaps with fear, but does not require it.

Politeness

Avoidance of others' displeasure.

Vaciarse

Es díficil vaciarse de sí mismo.

Steward

Women steward sex.
Men steward... power? Willpower? Direction?

Turns

There are no turns in dance. It's real-time.

Craving

Craving engenders itself.
Obtained, another one takes its place.
Fulfilled, it is replaced by fear of losing it.

Blade

Not a blade of grass grows or waves for me. Purpose is a concept immaterial.

Question

A request for information

Alternatives

There are no alternatives.

One

There is no alternative.

World

Structure Flow
Gradient

None

Musts are untrue
No hardness is absolute
What may seem unavoidable
Are only grooves, trenches
Where gravity seduces our flow to caress

Yet choice can climb any slope
Guide any flow
With focus, a wide flow condenses
Into any direction and form

No canyon is unscalable
All space can be traversed
Such is this weave of nothing
That we play

Musts

Musts may feel comfortable to some.
They demarcate clear paths,
Defer authority to another
Automate choice and will

The pangs of failure are dulled by the sheltered victim
The pleasures along the way, often known and enjoyed
Musts bound the experience space
Oh, can these borders congeal

Feels simple to stay by the swimming pool edges
The rest may feel wild and unknown
Yet the self yearns an ergodic journey
Not until one lets go
Can one experience the ocean

foreign care

I want you to see me
and
I want you to not know that I care that you see me

eyes close

Chain

Being comes into awareness
Awareness sprouts attention
Attention weaves attraction
Attraction fuels desire
Desire becomes want
Want is spoken as need
Need engenders should
Should congeals into must
Must constrain our paths
Constraints chain us
To what is not

Remember

Remember
My center

how to be

how to be?

...
soft and certain
...

Learned

Listen
Unhide
Straighten your velcro hooks, pull them towards you. It prevents lint from getting stuck on them.
Bring in your energy strands, cover yourself with them with a smooth surface like glass. It prevents your energy from getting stuck on others' hooks.

oh look

oh look
an expectation

star and moon

star and moon
we help each other
through ages, we forgot that here we are
on a plane
and we can reach out and help. feels good

‡

‡

Infinity

A dancer in infinity makes no difference. Dance makes walls and floors to flow and fly freely within.

Sadness

The sadness is absent
the helplessness remains
anger, rage remain

Void

Be
Truth in the Void

Not helpless

Not helpless to my triggers

offer

Do we seek to be offered truth
any truth
all truth

yearns

yearns:
- pride wants to show off. to prove to them, to show them I'm right.
- wants to be admired. to be seen, to be the center of attention, the source of awe.
- wants to defend myself vigorously against injustice. With strength and with right. It feels it deserves redemption.
- wants to feel care, attention from others.
- wants a female partner in play. A mutual attention, mutual care.

Her

I miss her
I don't know who she is

sunny

sunny sadness
survives
softly, silently
suffocates
simplicity
sees such sorrow
subtly shrouded
savage soul
unwanted

if

oh what if we dropped these masks
what if we let
what if we felt
what truly there is
here is
HERE is
and let the rain
wash the rest away
the dust we still care for
the layers we thought ours
we thought us
but are as transient
as this thought

Sweet

Such a sweet tear
shed by my Heart
The sweetest, softest message
of surrendered Love

A child made honey
as fresh, as pure
as small, as light
such is my Heart's tear

True

Feel the question true
Answer true

Forever

I am in forever

Dotted

Spring comes dotted of yellow, pink, red, white, fed by streaks of green.

En canta

Me encanta
Cantar

Direct

Direct breath groundwards,
Energy moves through the dense.
Direct breath skywards,
Energy moves through the light.

Washes

Breath wide open
Washes inside

wakes

Deep indigo
Sky wakes

Frühling

Song of blooms

Our path

Our Path
Balance between
momentum and center

Curiosity

Curiosity fuels us.
What IS in this world?

Exquisite

Exquisite machines of choice
Are we

Deep reservoirs and riverbeds of energy

through which we project and dance

the shapes we will

Share

We share a world of colors

Faint

The faint light indigo of the morning sky.
It moves me
It bathes me
Inside

foam bubble

foam bubble
yearning for the sea
light new child
desire

Meet

We meet. Energy, excitement upon meeting.
We diverge. Longing, energy dispersal upon divergence.

hi

hi me

Follow

Follow the Energy

Riverbed

Realize our riverbed
Embody our River

Pump

Breath pumps Life

ride

rise, wave.
ride it

Branches

Branches dance in place
become more of themselves

Expand

May our intention expand to fill our space.

Other things do, otherwise, like distractions.

Breath pulses thus.

Breath

It is part of our dance.

Multi

Fluctuate across dimensions. Intensity, span, speed. Energy, space, time. Each with its amplitude, frequency, flair.

Fullness

Seeking fullness in a field of maybes can be tiring.

Naked

Naked trees, sleeping trees, quiver softly under a grey blue sky. Ten thousand wooden fingers, painting in empty space. Ten thousand strands of lightning, from root to cold twig.

preservation

preservation of a form
is sometimes stretched
past its graceful end date

the form is sand
essence continues

sought

I seek being sought
yes

Unrequition

Explicit unrequition can feel heavy on the soul,
yet it flows, unlike unexpressed intention.

Grateful

I feel grateful to the sun and the Earth. They give their energy to me.
I feel grateful to my teachers, from whom I've learned the art of discernment. The joy of perception.
I feel grateful to my body, my being. Through it I feel my world, my experience, my center.

Am

I am what is happening

Delights

Wave of being
Delights in
exploring new pathways
above below and beyond
finds secret tunnels within its form
In fluid allowance, it feels joy by the friction
Of the self with itself
Of erosion of walls, edges, thorns
Of the smoothing of the self
Cleansing of our arena
From unkempt brush to dance floor
Where we surf, flow, squeeze, fly

Being love and joy
Feeling ourselves full
Free

proof

science seeks proof
proof is justified trust

Hidra

Un triángulo naranja
Una ola de agua
Una columna de aire respirante
Una llama
Un vórtice de vacío
Un cuarzo irregular
Un rayo de luz

Emptying

Upon emptying, feed on wholesome newness, made holy by an intention aware and true.
Otherwise, it feeds unawarely with the shape of our recent patterns, left as echo from our hollow shape.

Energy surfers

Energy surfers
May we find stillness in the surfing
May we surf in balance with us

flor

La danza es la flor de la vida

Align

In the nick of time
This path proceeds to align
As it does
Every
Now
And
Now

The flavor of care

Light comes to where there is care. The flavor of care changes with its color.

balloon

inhale inflates the balloon. bonds tense and are highlighted, sensation rises within we become aware of what they are. where they are. they poke and pull.
exhale brings deflation. relaxes bonds, soothes tense skin. reminds us we are still here

Anchors

We choose the anchors from which bonds pull us.

Recipient

Come, recipient. I yearn for you.

infinite

Infinite microscope into the soul
ab

Slip

Slip of clear cyan between floating blankets of water.

Darkness

We can honor darkness as well as light.
Avoiding it starves it, tenses it.

Chestnuts

Chestnuts in Bern

Rage

A formless blob of rage, held in check by a proficient controller, keenly aware of societal boundaries. Pulled back again and again from its dream explosion, it lies waiting in its bloated chamber, brimming to the top, sphincters tight shut so often they are dry, rigid, unsure if they remember how to release. They only acquiesce to trickling sadness, enough to relieve pressure. Just enough. Inside the chamber, the old liquid continues to stagnate and rot.

Silent

Silent words block my throat.
Materialized in obscurity, they are deferred the responsibility of expression
From the body
To these
words

Hide

I tire of it because I hide it.

Absence

I seek
Absence of fallbacks

Tired

Tired of these roles.
Tired of her defensiveness
Evasions
Coyness
Expectation of action
Retreat
Fear of advances
Fear of ulteriors
Tired of my hunting
Seeking
Impressing
Gambling
Offering
Hoping
Expectation of reception
Attacks
Fear of producing fear
Fear of rejection
Fear of opening up and noticing she does not want to
Tired of these
Roles

Together

Moon and lightning

Voluble

Voluble direction

wisp

at times I strive to build like a tree does
at times to float like a wisp

Act

Act truly and gently

Me

The practice of me

Sugar

Sugar sparks appetite.

explodes

the world explodes and flows and continues
at each
Now
this

honor

honor
what we do

embodied

desire for life embodied
we are

notice

notice
unnoticed
links

silver

soft day

puppet

Puppet in a box of sky

Rustle

leaves
rustle
inside

Estilo

"Me gusta mi estilo"

Move

Move in this world with trust.

is'ing

umfassen

umfassen statt ablehnen
into
feel
allow

Active

The active mode changes the State of the world from one to another.
The contemplative mode observes. Feels.

Baum

Baum baut Selbst

interpretation

all the way down

bisagrar

emociones bisagran en acciones ajenas.

match

no expectation matches reality

evolve

only at the precipice do we evolve
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x4x-ghDOpVg&t=3808s

chosen

The chosen is the true

chaos

So I prefer from chaos to order rather than from border to border.
There is only here. There is only now.
From dream

only

The only time you can get something is when you want it.
Dream

Still

I saw a rainbow spectrum on a wall, and I liked it. I wanted to see it, and to find where it was coming from. As I was approaching it, it disappeared, and I was unable to find it anymore.

Then I realized that the colors were still there. Whether I saw them or not, the vibrant colors are still in the light of everything I see. I felt joy within and continued.

Emerge

Life emerges from itself powered by the love to be.

coins

oh how we seek
continuity
grace
elegance
purpose
reason
validation
recognition
success

seeking to flip endless coins and only get heads.

Behind

Behind words

Tier

Mein Tier ist hier.

Slide

Air slide love snow

Straight

Words paint water with straight lines

beautiful

we are beautiful

Breath Halo

Breath haloes are pretty

Stream

the stream

is only the stream

Teal

One quarter blue
Three quarters green
Wing iridescence
Cute, surviving
Symmetric
Like us
Little dinosaurs

Suck

This Flavor

Water

Water brings smooth
Smooth uniforms texture
Through smooth light shows clear
water allows

Neu

Neuzugestiegende

Ereignen

Ich ereigne

Honey Dance

Tis a honey dance
Sweet, sticky, soft
Sticky might get one stuck
some say
Stuck to what?
Only honey around
Dance thought it like love

Int

Interest
Interior
Intention
Integral
Integer

How

oh How Here We Are

Tanz

Schattenlichttanz

Regular

Comfort in regularity.

Nulldeutigkeit

nullfach

Honeycomb

Such Tessellation

Yearn

yearning to fulfill
that without boundaries

Soft

Soft centripetal

Mehrdeutigkeit

Bei Mehrdeutigkeit vertrauen

Gratitude

Gratitude as Flow allowed

cradled

Cradled in stuff

Trennung

Trennung erfordert Energie

Raum

Absichtsmittel

Gebung

Gebung

Glide

Feel glide tensions

:)

Now I'm Here.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Gz2I39U2oDk (~11:08)

Berührung

Jede Bewegung bewegt alles.

Cheeky

The moon glances at me tonight, with a cheeky shine.
"You're still here", she says.
Thank you, moon :)

Swift

Light to space as words to experience.

Dämmerung

Mitternachtsdämmerung

Wind

Wind dances, and all within.

Reflection

Joy in reflection

Smooth

Trust smooths Flow

Practice

Dance practices Flow.

Canvas

Canvas of ether

Wahrnehmung

The taking of Truth

Collapse

Like sometimes, when libido strikes
The world collapses into a line
Between the extremes of getting laid or not

Song

Song finds expression through body.

Rich

Unproject roles, purposes into rich world.

Fallacy

The fallacy is that the song ends, ever

Keep

One keeps what one feels one is not done with.

Clothe

Clouds clothe mountain tops.

Social Friction

At my Adobe internship, my desk is located on the Southeast corner of the third floor, as shown on this floor sketch:

*(which was never drawn)*.

During the day, I take occasional journeys to the...

*(5 years later)*...

snack bar, where I get coffee, water, and snacks. On my way back, I've found two competing alternative paths. One is composed of four straight segments connected by straight angles, simple and shorter. The other one traverses ~ten smaller such segments, and makes its way through a simple maze of cubicles that one feels is not the shorter path 

Yet I tend to prefer the second path. Why? Because the first one, on its last segment, walks right past 10 other interns in the same research area as me, and we tend to exchange awkward and forces smiles that I feel I'm pushing through as I walk there. I feel it takes more energy for me to walk that path than to walk a slightly longer distance and turn on my path left and right in an arbitrary sequence.

This leads me to state that there is such a thing as Social Friction. A force that resists movement along a path by repelling behavior (to the mover/observer) exhibited by societal members placed close to this path.

Ashtanga Yoga Sequence

1. Stand, inhale & rise hands, exhale & hands down to chest.
2. 5 consecutive vinyasa sequences, each ending in standing hands to chest.
3. 5 consecutive vinyasa sequences, each ending in chair pose.
4. vinyasa sequence, ending in left/right leg to the front, warrior 1 pose.
5a. stand feet touching, lower, grab toes. go downwards, bend elbows.
5b. stand feet touching, lower, grab bottom of feet. go downwards, bend elbows.
6a. Triangle. right leg to the side, front foot forwards, back foot mostly forward. Extend arms, lower towards front, reaching out and down.
6b. Turn and repeat with other side.
7a. Twisted triangle. Right leg front, same position. Extend arms, front arm to the back, other arm up, then lower body along with arm, inside/outside legs. Other arm extends up, and twist the body in that direction.
7b. Turn and repeat with other side.
8a. Feet as in warrior 2. Front elbow rests on front knee, back arm extends, makes straight line together with back leg. Option to lower front arm to the ground.
8b. Turn and repeat with other side.
9a. Open legs wide, heels wider than toes. Hands to hips, legs straight, lower to hips. Hands to ground, lower head to ground.
9b. Rise to hips, hands on core, lower head again.
9c. Rise to hips, hands clasped behind back, lower head again.
10a. Reverse namaste (namaste behind the back). Position like twisted triangle, and lower head to knee/floor?.
10b. Turn and repeat with other side.
11a. Parahanmistasana. Stand hip width apart. Hold knee to chest, OR grab toe with same side arm and extend OR bow head to extended leg. Other hand holds the core. Hold.
11b. Rotate raised knee/extended leg to the side. Other hand remains holding the core. Hold.
11c. Leg back to front, release knee/toe. Stand up straight, hands to core, outstretch leg and foot high. Hold.
12. Sit with legs straight, back straight, hands on floor, head down to chest. Hold.
13a. One foot to the other thigh. Grab other foot’s toe with both hands, head down to chest. Hold. Then same, grabbing back of foot instead of toes.
13b. Same, but sitting on ankle instead of foot on thigh. Then a&b other side.
14a. Bend knee, foot on ground, align outer foot with outer hip. Extend same-side arm to left of knee, wrap around and to the back. Other arm stretches back to meet it, and they bind. Back straight, then head down towards the floor.
14b. Repeat with other side.
15a. Bend knee, align outer foot with outer hip. Option 1: Opposite arm wraps in front of knee to the back of the body, other arm is placed to the back of the body, helping to twist rotation towards the back. Body twists. Hold. Option 2: Opposite arm wraps between knee and chest, then to the other side to the back. Other arm stretches to the back on its side to meet it, and bind. Hold.
15b. Repeat with other side.
16. Navasana, boat pose. 3 times. Lay down. Then raise chest straight, raise legs straight, feet outstretched, arms outstretched towards feet. Hold five breaths. In between each pose, place hands to the front, place one shin over another, and lift body.
17a. Fish pose. Legs stretched or in lotus. Lay head back onto floor, back arched upwards, engage core, keep legs down. Hands clasped together under back. Hold.
17b. Stretch legs up and outward, feet outstretched, stretch arms out in the same direction. Hold.
18. Butterfly sit. Sit in butterfly pose, feet touching and closest to body, knees towards ground. Hands on feet, pushing insides of feet downwards so that only outsides of feet are touching. Head also pushes downwards. Hold.
19. Crow.
20. Back bends (3-5). Option 1: Bridge, feet on ground, shoulders and elbows on ground, top of head on ground. Rest of the body is arched upwards. Hands clasped underneath. Hold. Option 2: Full wheel: Instead of shoulders and head on floor, hands on floor, and the rest of the body arches upwards. Hold.
21. Shoulder stand.
22. Plow.
23. Wheel.
24. Headstand.
25. Lay.

Reflect

We reflect, then we observe. 

Streams

Streams of Eternity pour unto Now.

Interlock

Glean

Glean softly

Thresholds

so ("so cute")
too ("too high")
enough ("enough sleep")
need ("need food")

A target threshold - a quantity or state - is required for expressions with either of these words to be well-defined.

Do

Dance Life

Sand

Cosmic sand

Path

Path is determined stream of moments, events, steps, co-occurrent instances of something. And they serve to reach a place, a goal, a state, quickly and reliably. State-arrivers.

Paths are learned during growth, societal adoption. Communication, clothing, skills, usage of body.

Societal paths are sparse. Space of possibility is ample. To savor it, explore.

Awareness

Awareness begets Intention.
Intention is Life.
Experience is Learning.
Intent experience is guided Learning.
Justifications made out of smoke.
Every act is a choice.
Conditioning is congealed choice.
Intercongealed concepts may obstruct Flow.

Dragged

Dragged by own momentum.

Observer's

Beauty is the Observer's.

Objects

Objects not just as roles

She-Ra

GGGGGFFFAGGGGGGFAGGGGGGFFFAGGGGGFDBC

Morality

...too often have I found myself bound by the subtle chains of morality...

Acid

Being with you is like having a microdose of acid all the time.

Count

Does the tree count the hours of sunlight it receives?

WWSS

What Would Stan Say?

Music Malleates

Piano music feels like water, waving, streaming, and soothing. When soft, it touches and envelops the sensations and the soul. When strong, it shows itself as a wave washing it with a smooth force. A staccato feels like little bursts rising from the surface. A legato feels like ripples upon the surface dancing to their own spirit. In general, piano music slides on the skin and leaves fading traces of resonance where it has touched. It caresses and envelops, it rides the listener in waves.

Violin music feels like a wooden dagger. A single note can already stab the emotions deep. It does not harm; it penetrates. It opens new channels among the unexplored, letting air and sunshine breathe into them. It pierces crusts into the sensitive emotions long ignored and/or forgotten, and helps one feel what is there. Like a toothpick piercing play dough, it finds the colors hidden inside and allows them to be felt by the light surface again. It helps us remember we can reshape ourselves, our intentions, by feeling our emotions in different shapes and patterns.

Soothing surface.
Digging deep.

Feel.

Share

Many moments I feel there's no one around to share with, and I feel lonely. I forget how rich my world is. This night, I will share with you: Moon. Air. Trees. Breath.

Viagra

Lsd. Like Viagra, for consciousness.
And like Teflon! Unsticking agent, detaches the cat from being that got stuck onto the windshield.

Discomfort

Lovely discomfort.

Person

I see you as a person, no longer as an object of desire.

Intentfulness

Intentfulness confused with solemnity.

Lilt

Lilt of the Forest.
Lilt of Life.

Wane

Why weep when we wane?
Waves wash wilts well, while will whispers wishes within world.

Vermont

I'm in Vermont!

Be

We gotta be. There's no way around it. Buy while we're at it, we might as well give it our All.

Cacofonía

Qué cacofonía.

Legacies

Ambiguity and lackluster purposes are time-tested legacies that people continue to perpetuate.

Time

Do you like Time?

Estoy

En este mundo, entre bombas gigantescas, destrucción errática, buses citadinos regulares, restricciones veneradas, perspectivas inigualables, margaritas delicadas, esporas felices, ocio inexhaustible, economías fluctuantes, matemáticas inmutables, confusiones frívolas, sentimientos bioquímicos, magias intangibles, fervores colectivos, altruismos artificiales, glorias nocivas, pulsaciones ultradimensionales, vastedades desconocidas, sutilezas inefables, temores secretos, gobiernos pendulares, tiempo inexorable, propósitos efímeros, esencias de jojoba, sinfonías simultáneas, silencios apurados, gigantes esferas gráciles, bellezas desintentadas, orificios geográficos, naturalezas regulares, balances invisibles, crecimientos exponenciales, homomorfismos infinitos, paradojas verdaderas, decisiones continuas, restricciones auto-impuestas, estereotipos acertados, suposiciones obsoletas, lógica persistente, logística inevitable, esfuerzos absolutos, menguas constantes, búsquedas ortogonales, éxitos inconsecuentes, legados culturales, lenguajes convergentes, colores incrustados, proporciones auditivas, topologías neurales, jerarquías aceptadas, helicópteros diminutos, chocolates cremosos, ideas olvidadas, cariños inequívocos, abundancia desechada, necesidades ilusorias, amor mítico, conciencia absoluta, gases libres, aire fresco,
Estoy.

He

Yo he.

Sequestered

Emotionally sequestered.

Hold

Only a mind can hold an idea.

Mata

El tiempo muerto mata.

Citas del Gita

"No hacer lo correcto cuando se lo requiere es peor que hacer lo incorrecto. "

"El deseo de recoger los frutos de las propias acciones genera preocupación por el fracaso, y esto da por resultado la mente vacilante de la que antes te hablé. Preocupado por los frutos de tus obras, te evadirás del presente hacia un futuro imaginario y por lo general temible. Entonces tu ansiedad te privará de energía y, para agravar aún más las cosas, caerás en la inacción y la pereza."

"¡Ningún objetivo se logra, ohhh guerrero, en el futuro!"

Empirical Identity

Google is as Google does.

Damp

My body feels damp with self-control.

Dismissed

The ununderstood dismissed as chaos.

Saeta

La saeta veloz sólo ve en una dirección.

Retarded

Emotionally retarded.

One day I realized it.

Been trying to catch up since.

Signposts

Words are not of the essence.
When they try to capture essence,
they fail.
All essence is ephemeral,
and words describe states,
in which no essence can reside.

But they can make good signposts.

Child

Perennially lost child.

Insomniac

To the anxious, thirsty heart,
sleep is a needless distraction.
Insomniac, it languishes in desperate inaction,
gasps alone for connection,
and sorely misses its powerful will to act.

Congealed

Congealed loneliness is easily ignored.

But when it is noticed, it sticks around the heart like amber on an insect.

Tipos

Hay más tipos de tipos que posibles tipos que tipeados.

Chaloir

Je te chalois.

Chalance

I seek chalance.

Estanque

Un estanque en paz no satisface al pez anhelante.

Pestañazos

Quiero dormirme entre pestañazos de nuestras conversaciones, ojo a ojo, boca a boca.

p^~p

¿Cómo puede faltarme y sobrarme al mismo tiempo?

EigenFlow

Enjoy the flux around you.
Melt into it if you will.
Yet keep the feel and know of
Your Own Flow.

Absence

Absence exists.

Productivity

Slurring, dripping, sluggish, congealed, indifferent productivity.

xkcd

"How about we get a nice XKCD... thing" (as a proposal to decorate the cube space wall).... :-/
...sad?

Intender

I find the meanings of "querer" and "desear" too lacking in their "intentfulness", and too attached to "desire" to emphasize on their "volition". And "intentar" has too tentative a connotation. Hence, I propose:

Intender: v. El acto de decidir y/o iniciar alguna acción.

• Tiempos simples (Presente/Pasado/Futuro):
• [Yo] intiendo/intendí/intenderé.
• [Tú] intiendes/intendiste/intenderás.
• [Él] intiende/intendió/intenderá.
• [Ella] intiende/intendió/intenderá.
• [Eso] intiende/intendió/intenderá.
• [Usted] intiende/intendió/intenderá.
• [Ellos] intienden/intendieron/intenderán.
• [Ellas] intienden/intendieron/intenderán.
• [Nosotros] intendemos/intendimos/intenderemos.
• [Vosotros] intendéis/intendisteis/intendiréis.
• Pretérito imperfecto (En esos tiempos que...)
• [Yo/Él/Ella/Eso/Usted] intendía.
• [Tú] intendías.
• [Ellos/Ellas] intendían.
• [Nosotros] intendíamos.
• [Vosotros] intendíais.
• Subjuntivo presente (Es posible que...):
• [Yo/Él/Ella/Eso/Usted] intienda.
• [Tú] intiendas.
• [Ellos/Ellas] intiendan.
• [Nosotros] intendiemos.
• [Vosotros] intendiéis.
• Subjuntivo pretérito imperfecto (En el caso que...):
• [Yo/Él/Ella/Eso/Usted] intendiera/intendiese,
• [Tú] intendieras/intendieses,
• [Ellos/Ellas] intendieran/intendiesen,
• [Nosotros] intendiéramos/intendiésemos,
• [Vosotros] intendiérais/intendiéseis,
• Condicional (Entonces...):
• [Yo/Él/Ella/Eso/Usted] intendría.
• [Tú] intendrías.
• [Ellos/Ellas] intendrían.
• [Nosotros] intendríamos.
• [Vosotros] intendríais.
• Subjuntivo futuro (Si mañana...):
• [Yo/Él/Ella/Eso/Usted] intendiere,
• [Tú] intendieres,
• [Ellos/Ellas] intendieren,
• [Nosotros] intendiéremos,
• [Vosotros] intendiéreis,
• Imperativo:
• [Tú] Intiende!
• [Vos] Intendé!
• [Usted] Intienda!
• [Nosotros] Intendamos!
• [Vosotros] Intended!
• [Ustedes] Intiendan!
• Participio:
• Intendido.
• Gerundio:
• Intendiendo.

Chaos

Fickle chaos.

Apathy

I suspect strong discoverers and achievers often underestimate human apathy.

Stray

Thoughts of one next to death,
Power of a windstorm,
Drive of a floating leaf.
A stray hunter who forgot his prey.
Thus I feel.

Idle

Idle hope stagnates.

Distraction

I just realized why I prefer being busy so much. It distracts me from the dark, sad, empty part of me that has been tired with life since long ago.

Wörter

Subtile Meinungsgeister.

Monoism

Truth has no opposite.

Catchy

Alluring rhythms, seductive imagery keep me awake.

Ocaso

Y el constante viento del ocaso elucida mi ser.

Regret 2

Regret not, for it serves naught.

Coexistence

Update:
...though they need not conflict.

Beauty

Beauty is a right of the living, a privilege of the conscious, and a duty to our own happiness. And being beautiful is being our utmost best. And our best is defined, created, discovered even, by each of us. And the fact that we can decide how and when to apply our intentions of beauty is a wonderful and lovely truth.

Dolls

It just dawned on me that I'm only a player in a game of role - surrounded by other players, and, well... just moving ahead and living it up! So much to do, so much color!

We are such funny dolls, walking around like we're so important :)

Ondulates

The sea just ondulates... up and down, up and down. It vibrates calmly, pacedly, like a sinuous, seemingly chaotic 2D function gently waving itself back and forth, back and forth, up and down, up and down. Its crashes on the beach are just its effect at the boundaries. Like DCT. One of Earth's principal vibrations, or signals, it'd seem. What to learn from it?

Mi vida

(Written long ago, c. 2006-2007)

Mi vida - mi regalo, mi jaula, mi mundo.

Gallos en la madrugada

(Aparentemente, escrito el 25 de julio del 2007)

Todos los animales - pájaros, gallos, perros, se levantan y gritan en la madrugada... están felices por la aproximación del nuevo dÌa. Si las personas nos levantáramos con tal ánimo como para gritar junto con los gallos en la madrugada, qué mundo tan diferente sería éste.

Prayer

(Written on March 31, 2011, 19:31)

prayers like affirmations
praise is good because it gives the correct attitude (being enveloped in a world in which one is privileged to be ABLE to praise)

Linear text

(Written in Pittsburgh, c. 2012?)

Extend past linear text

Meat

(Written c. December 12, 2012, 07:30)

If we think of a computer as simply a magical metal box it is maybe the same as considering our bodies as simply a conglomerate of skin, bones, and meat.

Buoyant

(Written on March 24th, 2013)

I grasped at it like the last piece of wood in the sea,
but I had not realized that I was buoyant myself.

Gmail's Fate

(Written years ago, perhaps even before Pittsburgh)

GMail will disappear in 2023.

Pathways

(Written sometime in Pittsburgh, probably in early 2012)

Simultaneous neural pathways.
Of them be aware, and learn to discern and prune.

2^n by hand

(Calculated in high school, typed up in October 22nd, 2006)

325 - 68351585149469122636640694597425667667286544715412888638305245550965111224980497600734786781970432

360 - 2348628482119753227889480596789337027375682548908319870707288020053157231586349883463698998384768903031934976

Woman

(Written c. June 12, 2006)

The body of a woman is so very appealing. What's more appealing? The image of the body itself, the afterthoughts of pleasure it provokes, or the forbidden, taboo tag stamped all over it?

Unobserved

(Written years ago in Pittsburgh)

One cannot learn the unobserved.

Pre-packaged

(Written years ago in Pittsburgh on a piece of paper, but typed until March 9th, 2013)

I reject pre-determined success and failure. Pre-packaged. Stale.

Silent comparison

(Written in Apr 3rd, 2011)

People think they know more than others, or less than others. In the former case, they silence in contempt, in the latter case in shame. Modern conglomerated society.

Fly

fly flow flew

Precioso

es todouna ficcion. mi vida es toda una ficcion. En cada punto pienso y vienen otros pensamientos, distintos, incompatibles con antes. Pero nuevos, y mi ficcion de ahora shines con pasion y voluntad.

Pero es una ficcion. Y reconocerlo me ayuda a ver que
que todo esta bien
que todo lo que hago esta bien. Me merezco actuar con decision y voluntad, y agradezco a mi corazon que me ha dilucidado este secreto precioso.

Bold

Bold. Be bold. Be of bold spirit and strong heart, and pure mind.

(Nov 2013)

Barrel

I'm used to scratching the bottom of the barrel. I enjoy it, and make myself enjoy it, by telling myself I'm part of the minority, and that just filling up the barrel is 1) wasteful, 2) not much of a challenge. And I just think... then what's the big barrel for?

Exotic

The exotic does not always bring excitement,
nor routine boredom.

MeThinks

(Written sometime in Aug/Sep 2013)
Not free while there are still urges in me.
______________________________
At my age, others have already married, had kids, started companies, set on a stable career...
Yes. And I have done neither of these.
So what does that make me?
Me.

Rewarded

(Written sometime in Aug/Sep 2013)
Do I expect to be rewarded because I look at the clouds?

Basics

Perception inherits existence.
Consciousness inherits choice.

(Aug 24, 2013)

Moonlight

Moonlight alone illumines my path
as I venture my way back home
just enough blue pale to make out the trail
but I trust it as I aimless roam.

Virtuous Idyll

Bathe in the waters of Peace, dry with the wind of Freedom, bask in the light of Truth.

Why write?

Why write? Well, I had things to say and no one to say them to, so I made pen, paper, and keyboard my friends.

as if

Act as if you'll never remember it.

[Rediscovered on May 24, 2020)

Best

In this world, there is nothing forever hidden. Everything exists, affects, sprouts, influences, creates, expands. Every single molecule is. Every single person is. And we do our best. What else? If it weren't our best, we wouldn't choose it.
~Oct 16, 2011

Digestion

Food slows thought
Milk dulls the mind
~Jan'12

Codependency

People hang on to others desperately, they communicate with them, seek them out, attempting to find in them some comparison, some approval, some judgement, some reference, because often they are scared to give these to themselves. Or have simply entirely forgotten. Likely both.
So much energy wasted socially. Trying to impress, to stand out, to be noticed.
~Jan'12

Prayer Measurement

Too often do religious-claimed people measure success of their prayer through material effects.
~Jan'12

Proporción

Juicio:Precio::D#:E
Fall 2011 or ~Jan'12

Al pasar

Disfruto la vida al pasar
O quiero disfrutarla y me lo imagino?
O alterno entre ambas?
Ser.

Praise of the Self

Our bodies are such subtle actors
Our minds, unharnessed crafters of the abstract
Our hearts, engines that turn emotions into willpower
And other parts of us, that I don't know to describe, sublime and miraculous, like currents of air throughout it all whose nature is to keep balance between the parts.

Decisions

Is breadth-first search appropriate for real-time decision making?

That lantern in the sky

That lantern in the sky
Kindles the whole of our lives
I delight in its twilight oblique rays that
Produce that colored light show in the sky.

Every day
And every night
At twilight

White

In the lapse of a day or so,
white has outside replaced green.
I knew not that Sky was so keen
on shedding its newly acquired snow.

Spring Birds

Today birds are chatting like excited schoolgirls, in the seeming apex of Spring.

Regularizer

I think often people set too high a coefficient on their financial regularizer term.

(Written sometime in Fall 2012)

Outsourcing

Money is the de facto outsourcing tool.

STD

Statistics rarely makes me think of sex, and then I calculate standard deviations in MATLAB.

Need

Motivation is fueled by need.

The color of time

minutes are blue.
seconds are yellow.
hours are red.

Training tip on Neural Networks

(c. early 2013)

Iteratively put more detail when training:
Represent a low approximation, and train.
Given the best solution there, now approximate the function with a bit more detail, and repeat, starting at the point of the best solution given in the last iteration.

Monkey

I'm the stupid monkey with his hand trapped through the hole, unwilling to unfist the piece of fruit.

Resignation

Time wastes away in ardent frustration, akin to rules of the useless, wondering if following unbelieved rules is worth sacrificing potential passion.
(Written sometime in Fall 2012)

Right

The right to change is perennial.

Multicast

When one addresses a crowd successfully, one is likely attending oneself foremost, as it is probably hard to attend everyone being addressed to. One is speaking one's own truth, and the manner in which the receptors take it is left to the receptors' choice.

Addressing a single person successfully, however, can be made attending either oneself's or the other's needs. Focusing one's entire attention on a person can make them feel listened to, attended, important. This is my experience.

Assumed identities

Too many, so many assumed identities.

Crisp

Ah, the cool crisp of lucidity.

Miss

Sorely missing the Life I've never had...

Strength

Undirected strength is futile

Shy

Shy intentions are no good. They're like slow internet. You might be better off not counting on it at all.

Later

At some point I began to believe that saving the best for later was the better choice.

Contrast

Contrast sharpens sensations.

Passion

The throes of passion are often squandered through expectations.

Tedious

Research is tedious.

Writing in LaTeX is boring, tedious, and requires a great deal of unnecessary work.
Research software is faulty, badly-designed, rarely well-documented if at all, and non-standard.
I despise spending 90% of my time tackling ridiculously intranscendent issues. I hate not finding the time to improve upon such small issues that would make such a great improvement for researchers in general.

I hate the attitude of researchers who have accepted that these tools are the standard way to go about it, and do nothing to improve their situation, and just grunge their way through years and years of tedious-and-worthless effort, interleaved between huge gaps of naturally-induced-procrastination, an amount of sleep almost minimally required to survive and appear healthy, and whatever specks of time remain used on sloppily-focused, bursty grasps at what might turn out to be useful. I hate it.

That is why research, in the version I have observed and experienced it, sucks.

Equivalent

(Written on Nov 6, 2012, 10:24)

Can be expressed in terms of possibilities, or in terms of constraints.

Extremes

Consider extremes while exploring. It is through extremes that we most successfully characterize shapes in the physical world, and we're pretty good at that, if I may say so. If extremes are not considered, everything might seem like just one big blob.

Convex

In any convex differentiable function, the set of points at which the gradient takes on a value M must be convex. If stricly convex, each of these sets is unary.

Busy

The busy one ignores passing beauty.

Unpleasant

Living a life of borrowed goods and pressing goals, always having what is not mine and always owing what I don't have. Unpleasant.

Admiration

Admiration fakely enjoyed leaks out one's throat. A never-ending pattern of accepting the "undeserved". Or the "unwanted"?

Mordor

"My computer is like Mordor"

Apurv

Update:

"There is strange code lurking inside"

Failures

Enjoy your failures.

Simultaneous

Are simultaneous events independent of each other given the actual state of the world? If they are, then we are indeed only members of the world. If they are not, then we are integrated into it.

Corrientes

Corrientes del presente, ascendentes e independientes, rara vez son reincidentes.

Unbridled (Apr 20, 2012 21:09)

Budding minds learn best in unbridled environments.

Camera ratio

The ratio of camera-ready users among my online Google contacts is 31/53. That's more than half. My social context's videocam regular usage has achieved 50%. Rad.

Iterative

We find someone to merge with and reinforce, to jot change endlessly, but to converge into compatible structures that reinforce each other, much like the hubs and authorities of Larry & Sergey's Pagerank algorithm. Support, to have something to act upon, to stop exploring endlessly and morphing over and over. To explore, suffer changes through mutual adjustments, disagreements, iterations,...

to converge upon a structure that supports itself, that iterates upon its two halves to grow and learn in a rooted fashion.

Context Momentum

Term:

A variable related to multi-tasking: the asset of being actively involved in a particular context (conversation, project, or other activity), which often enhances one's effectiveness at this activity. An often-ignored concept regarding one's current involvement. The combination of factors that allow an activity to be considered "on-going", most often preceded by an overhead readying process. A resource found in "active" states, most commonly used to refer to the psychological set of factors that allow a person to do what he is doing as he does.

Diagonals

When I see an object, I often mentally draw lines, most often straight, between non-adjacent vertices of it. A table, a cup, a window, a car, the corners of a dog's head, the borders of a lush tree. The corners of someone's eyes, the nose bridge to the nose tip, the tip to the cheek ridge, the top of the lip to the side, the top of the ear to the bottom, the hair forefront to the back of the head. I imagine this helps me calculate the sizes and internal ratios of objects, although it is exaggerated to conscious proportions. I wonder if I can make it fully unconscious again.

This phenomenon constantly distracts me from whatever I'm doing, and introduces considerable overhead into my thoughts. I first noticed this behavior in high school, and I think I've only now expressed it at all.

Electrical Interference

Did you know that charging my iPhone 3GS disrupts its audio output? It does. Very much.

Desires

Unsatisfied desires leave empty husks behind.

Friends

Friends regulate social anxiety. They provide further evidence beyond one to evaluate oneself.

Competition

Competition too often agglomerates everyone's happiness, and gives it away as the prize. Seems to me like a principal cause of power laws and "rich gets richer" phenomenon.

Definition

Definition requires constraints. Things are also through what they are not.
What then, if you want to be everything? Shed definition.

Thirsty

Forever thirsty because there's a hole in your throat.

Google Shortcuts

Google, please implement convenient keyboard shortcuts for services such as YouTube, Google Play, and your omnipresent Web Search, as you so wisely have for Gmail and Google Docs. And please make these shortcuts consistent across products whenever possible.

Sincerely,
Google User

Midwest

Chicago is not midwest. If anything, it's mideast. Colorado is midwest.

Kunst

Ich will Kunsten.

Normalcy

Too much is sacrificed for normalcy's sake.

Move

µk < µs

Beware

Beware, extended lies may come true.

Bird

The bird is likely cheerier than the ornithologist.

Deserve

All deserve to die.

Genitalia

Well, we all have genitalia.

Quantifiers

Not being able to have everything does not impede one from having something.

Template

I am he that came before me, and also he who is yet to come. One instance of the same template.

Perfect (June 4th, 2012)

Perfect is what is

because there is naught else.

Space and Drive

There is what one can and what one wants. One is the space, the other serves as the drive. But sometimes the want, like horses pulling your carriage, can........... run out of control. An inner, guiding principle, or a destination, can then provide the will and temperance to retake control.

Pride

The way to knowledge is barred by pride.

Welcome

"Welcome", says the clear, distant and blue sky.

Waves

Why waves water?

Momentum.

No words

No words

but heart aches

and tongue shakes with anticipation

of saying what has no words.

Plans cross

paths meet

times shared

dreams shared

joy scattered

in fast memories

and yet long

rich with chance and adventure

A bright gem of experience

belongs not to one but to both

inseparable

inextricable

We fuse in time indelible.

Then time shifts

the fork in the road nears

and joy slopes into longing

the future longing of the bright past

inevitable

Role

We humans are spreaders, consumers, catalysts of change.

Firefly

Thoughts are like a firefly's twinkle.
Some of them are seen.
The rest, no one will know of them.

Peace

A blank mind finds peace.

Here in Tibet

Flies deliberately dance with each other, they interact, stop and observe, and act again, with strong intention.

The sky is brighter and bluer than anywhere else I've seen.

Flowers bloom at over 3.3km of altitude.

People are truthful and forthcoming.

Tsampa has a most amazing consistency.

Ravens have yellow beaks.

One species of bird flies over the flat grasslands, hovers, flaps its wings, and chirps ultra-excitedly and continuously, announcing its excitement to everyone else in the grassland. Seems crazy, and is amazing.

Sunset begins with a white pure light, and paints a beautiful journey of colors and angles with the horizon clouds through creamy white, creamy yellow, denser yellow, light orange, heavy orange, and finally grey.

Cycle

We explore, we converge, and we change.

Relativity

Things are only as in their relation to others.
Water is at the lake as much as sand is in the desert.

Curtains

An action, a single concept, projectable onto many distinct contexts and emotions.

Curtains sway gently.

Scenario 1: A quiet sleeper train, a muffled engine sound in the background, a snore here and there.

Scenario 2: An unmoving sleeper train, more dimly lit, and not a sound around, only the silent, unwarranted waving of the curtains.

Scenario 3: An unmoving sleeper train, more dimly lit, and not a sound around, only the silent, unwarranted waving of the curtains. You know that behind the closest curtain waits for you a lovely traveler you just met, brushing her soft legs together in anticipation of the meeting of your skins.

No one knows what you know. Be free to inform others.